SIMON'S STORY
©2008 Simon

My name is Simon. I was born and raised in the U.S.A. I am now middle-aged. Like many others, I suffered addiction for a considerable portion of my adult life. It has been a difficult journey, being a slave to a substance; the pain and suffering endured was certainly far greater than any pleasure provided. But the journey has also been filled with powerful lessons about self discovery, healing, and eventual freedom. With grace, luck, karma, the growth process and the support of family and friends, I eventually emerged into quality recovery.

However, I did not emerge unscathed. In my experience, none do. Actions have consequences, and I am dealing with the physical/medical consequences of my addiction to this day. I narrowly escaped AIDS. I was less fortunate with Hepatitis C. And there are other issues at hand that require daily effort and attention.

I did not begin using intoxicants as early as many young people are doing. For better or worse, I didn’t try marijuana, my first real drug, until after high school graduation, which I easily completed as an Honor Roll student. I had briefly tried alcohol prior to that, but soon stopped. Alcohol definitely did not agree with me, a reaction that stuck over the long haul, fortunately. But with cannabis products, I began seeking intoxication more and more often, seeking the finest quality, using increasing quantities as time went on; a pattern that showed ominous tendencies towards addictive behavior. I basically followed what was referred to as the ‘gateway’ pattern of using softer to harder drugs, going from cannabis first, then to powder cocaine, to various pain pills and sedatives, and eventually to opiates, both prescription and otherwise, all within a fairly short period of time. By my mid-20’s, I had a serious narcotic habit going on, with no end in sight. My career choice wasn’t much help either; I’d become a professional musician by that time, and the adage of ‘sex, drugs, and [all manner of music]’ had become a living reality.

What was it that drove me to seek refuge in drugs in the first place, and why? It’s the million dollar question.

Many young people suffer from a lack of direction in their lives. They feel isolated, unconnected, and unsure of themselves or of their role in life or society. As I reflect back on it, I remember feeling this way myself. I felt disconnected and bored, with no sense of value or direction, and it came at a critical time when I was perhaps more vulnerable, during a time of easy access to drug experimentation. I was also a bit of a rebel in those days, so ‘anti-establishment’ behavior like drug taking became an easily justifiable option. I also suffered from a foolhardy ego-based belief that I would somehow be magically immune from addiction, that I was in some way better than ‘those people’ (who get into trouble with drugs). That I’d be able to stop anytime during the experimental phase, easily, before it became a problem. It was mere rubbish of course, and once experimentation continued beyond a certain point, the critical line was crossed, and my dependence/addiction began.

Thinking back, I’d say it took me a good 6-8 months or so, moving gradually but steadily, to become hooked. I started using only once or twice a month treating it as a sort of ‘novelty,’ then eventually to Saturdays, then to both weekend days. Before long the weekends came a bit early to include a Friday, then perhaps a Wednesday as well…and soon after I was using everyday. Skipping days here and there with marijuana or cocaine was not a difficult matter, neither of them having any physical dependency or withdrawal to speak of, but once heroin came into the picture on a daily basis, everything changed. Shortly after that, when my connection (drug seller) mysteriously disappeared for a couple of days leaving me unable to score, I experienced my first real drug withdrawal symptoms…which hit me like a ton of bricks. It was then I knew I had a serious problem. It seemed I wasn’t any better than ‘those people’ after all.

Another factor, this one obviously no great revelation, is that most people do not deal very well with pain. I am certainly no exception to this. Learning to cope with pain in a more positive, beneficial way than drugs is an acquired skill. Pain comes in many forms. My pain was physical and emotional, the result of some childhood health problems coupled with anger issues towards my family. My father, for instance, suffered from an often domineering attitude towards his family, resulting in a ‘my way or the highway’ kind of philosophy…and in domineering behavior that caused significant levels of stress for us all. Like many stressed out kids I soon found effective refuge in drug use. It allowed me to act out on my own, in defiance of parental authority, provided a vent for anger, and significantly reduced my stress during the short term. I also very much enjoyed the altered perceptions caused by drugs. I found them intriguing and mysterious. Drugs served me on all these levels.

There are other causative factors that I believe must be considered. These include the genetic theory of addiction, a possible inherited biochemical or neurological predisposition of some kind. This also fits my case, inasmuch as I seem to have exhibited some of the early warning signs of addictive behavior in the form of a strong tendency towards habitual use and excessiveness in consumption, a pattern that repeated itself over and over as the addiction progressed over time. Marijuana is in no way physically addictive, yet I behaviorally sought it out on a daily basis. Drug tolerance also occurs, particularly with the opioid analgesics. This is the need to ingest larger and larger quantities in order to gain the desired effect, which becomes more and more difficult to replicate. I experienced all of this.

To sum up: In the beginning, drugs were easily at hand, of high quality, and they worked quite well for the immediate purpose of making me feel better fast which was my bottom line. I used drugs to avoid pain, to cope with anger and stress, and to deal with life in general, such as it was, at a time before I was able to discover other healthier options. Drugs felt good, they were fun, socially acceptable. They made all my troubles go away, for brief periods anyway…which was easily remedied by simply ingesting more. With repetition, the pattern became fixed and the downward spiral was underway, with all of its resultant problems, which became more and more troublesome as time went on.

It was sometime later, perhaps ten years into my addiction, when I began hearing rumors about a purportedly new and amazing treatment for addiction, or more specifically, for the horrible pain of withdrawal, which was my primary fear by that time. I had experienced ‘the horrors’ of heroin withdrawal many times, as supplies ran short and money ran out, which it always will (barring extreme wealth), and as a result of my refusal to adopt any sort of criminal lifestyle with which to finance my habit. I frequently found myself against the wall and coming down hard, as my body progressively went into a sort of shock lacking the natural chemicals that enable the most basic physiological functions to operate. Opiates insidiously mimic and replace the body’s own natural painkillers, called endorphins, which allow internal biochemical or neurochemical balance to be maintained. Lacking the drug, the shock that the body experiences before it can re-establish internal endorphin production is the essence of physical withdrawal. As a horror it almost defies description, as the body is wracked by a multitude of grotesque symptoms all at once, beyond bearing… I had finally ended up on methadone maintenance, something I had once sworn I’d never do, methadone withdrawals being notoriously protracted and horrible.

But the treatment I’d heard of purportedly reversed this effect, quickly and relatively painlessly!!! It sounded too good to be true. It was called, somewhat mysteriously, ‘the black box,’ or as I later learned, NET, standing for Neuro-Electic-Therapy. This Sony Walkman-sized device had apparently been in use for several years, with nothing more than a 9-volt battery as a power source.

At this point, I had been on methadone maintenance for just under two years, during which time I had nevertheless continued heroin and cocaine use almost unabated, simultaneously along with the methadone and sundry other pills. I was even supplementing my daily methadone dose from the local clinic with black market pharmaceutical methadone tabs which I acquired by the hundreds, my once-daily morning dose from the clinic being woefully inadequate at keeping withdrawals at bay for a 24 hour period. Whenever I suspected drug testing may be imminent at the clinic, I switched to taking methadone-only throughout the 2-3 days involved so I would test clean of other drugs. But the bottom line, overall, was that I simply couldn’t get enough of any of it, and my resulting narcotic tolerance level reached epic proportions. I was consuming simply ridiculous quantities of drugs on a daily basis. It was nothing short of miraculous that I didn’t overdose during that time. With my ultra-rapid metabolism in those days, not only was I easily consuming huge quantities daily, I was still up and reasonably functional, working every night in local clubs as a professional musician, plus additional weekend daytime engagements.

It was in this condition that I commenced an in-depth search for the mysterious black box treatment, and its innovative developer/practitioner, (the late) Dr. Meg Patterson. Rather like a detective, I began searching for clues, accessing central directories, seeking overseas phone numbers, calling hospitals, clinics, and following the faintest of leads in an attempt to locate the elusive Dr. Meg and her cutting-edge treatment. I had dialed several numbers leading nowhere. I finally dialed one I’d received from a clinic in London, that of a nurse who had apparently worked with Dr. Patterson on occasion. I excitedly dialed, the overseas line finally connected, there were two or three rings, and a soft but firm female voice with the classic Scottish brogue answered my initial greeting:

I proceeded to put forth, as clearly as possible, my predicament, condition, and interest, to which she listened very carefully. She then indicated a path of action for follow up, requiring a list of tasks, which finally led to my treatment encounter in London a couple of months later. My efforts had paid off and I was excited beyond measure.

Following a whirlwind of preparation, I found myself traveling nearly half-way around the globe…in a worsening condition of serious narcotic withdrawal no less…into the city of London and the clinic where my black box treatment would take place.

What transpired was certainly not easy. In fact, quite frankly, I was in for the ride of my life. Under normal circumstances, the acute phase of methadone withdrawal is around 20-30 days or so, with a nasty prolonged post-acute withdrawal phase lasting as long as 18 months Added to this was the highly complicating factor of the multiple other drugs I was being withdrawn from simultaneously. However, given the normal course of any multi-drug withdrawal, particularly where methadone is involved, my overall experience was nothing short of miraculous. Although I was very sick indeed during the accelerated 10-day treatment, at the end of it, even by Day 9 in fact, I can categorically state for the record that all withdrawal symptoms had stopped, utterly. They were simply over, gone.

Although deeply rung out, shaken, and quite weak, I had gotten free of massive amounts of drugs, in only ten days, with no lingering withdrawals. I felt internally warm, comfortable, and at ease, in stark contrast to the horrid inner-chill one feels when first emerging from standard withdrawal…the result of a serious lack of endorphins coupled with massive biochemical imbalance, which goes completely untreated with standard detox methods. It was amazing, to say the least, and was certainly unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.

Under NET, withdrawals are both shorter in duration and lessened in intensity – although, as mentioned, when methadone is involved one had better plan on being plenty sick for the brief spell required. Yet even that is a miracle. Walking away from methadone and cocaine, heroin, valium, phenobarbital et al, feeling ok and reasonably stable in only ten days, is just astonishing! Yet this is what I experienced. And I know I’m not alone. Many others have experienced similar wonderful results.

The significance of this is profound on any number of levels, relapse prevention being at the top of the list. Like a great many addicts, I had been a chronic relapser throughout my active addiction, yet I believe this is largely due to the immense neurological or biochemical imbalances that are raging inside peoples’ bodies when they first get drugs out of their systems, imbalances that, as I said, are completely unaddressed by conventional detox therapies. Because of NET’s stimulation of areas of the brain that produce crucially needed natural brain chemicals, (endogenous or naturally occurring painkillers, among others), I emerged into a far more balanced state.

However this was only the beginning of my recovery. To her enduring credit, Meg heavily stressed on several occasions the vital need for follow up/aftercare. Beyond detox comes this vitally important phase wherein the backbone of recovery is not only learned, but internalized and made an active part of one’s ongoing daily lifestyle. Of prime importance is the learning of vital life-coping-skills needed to deal with any/all of life’s challenges, the ups and downs of day-to-day reality, etc. Lacking this, the chances of staying clean and maintaining recovery are slim. It seems many addicts are badly in need of precisely this kind of in-depth training. I definitely was, and for me it has made all the difference.

Overall, I’ve had many positive qualities going for me. I’ve been blessed since childhood with an inquisitive mind coupled with a lifelong interest in the sciences, philosophy, literature, history, spirituality, mysticism, music and the Arts. I have always been fascinated by the best in cutting-edge technologies and advances in all fields, with particular interest in science, medicine, and healing. It is this fascination that led me to seek out NET, and for that, I count myself very grateful and very fortunate indeed.

Our potential as human beings is vastly greater than most people realize – than I ever considered possible for myself. I’ve returned to college, finished my degree, completed an additional one-year certificate program, done significant ongoing work on healing the true underlying causes of my drug use, anger issues, etc., worked on restoring my health, developed or polished my social skills, and sought out my true calling in life in support of which I may soon return to grad school.

Bottom line: freedom from drugs is making it all possible. I feel truly blessed to be able to be here today and tell you about it. That is a miracle in itself.