SATU'S STORY
©2009 Satu

I had a serious car accident in 1994 while eight months pregnant with my fourth child. I was 29 years old and just about to separate from my abusive husband. After that I was heavily medicated for severe pain, insomnia, debilitating migraines1-2 times a week (the second was a kick-back migraine caused by excessive medication), and PTSD; including anxiety and depression.

But, having been a poly user in my late teens and early twenties, I also started to cocktail my codeine or morphine, Prothiaden, sleeping pills and migraine medication with alcohol. I was pure chemistry. I don't know how I had time and presence to be a solo parent to my four children. My life was changed irreversibly at a time when I had planned to start life again by going back to study, but with so much pain and no cure in sight, pressure and trauma to live with, I couldn't.

I knew I was seriously addicted with plenty of ‘reasons’. How would I cope without analgesia as my pain was due to real injury? I realised and had to admit my own endorphins were not working due to amount of painkillers I was putting into my body. I also realised I had become like my ex-husband, "the true addict". I doctor-shopped for my medications. I hated what I had become and this time I had dragged four innocent children into my addiction. I had divorced to save them from the addiction of their father. If I went on they would have no one!

I took the plunge and came off the painkillers but increased my alcohol intake. Still cocktailing with sleeping tabs and anti-depressants, these were soon changed to an anti-anxiety medication called Aropax (paroxetine hydrochloride).

I had serious alcohol withdrawals when I didn't have the Aropax - hallucinations, shakes, delirium - but could not live without it. Once I started I could not stop until I blacked out. I understood it was only question of time before I couldn't look after my children… Somehow I contacted AA.

I have just celebrated nine years of sobriety!!!

But I could NOT come off Aropax. I had so many side effects including feeling speedy, mood swings, not being able eat and dry mouth (this wrecked my teeth), and sometimes suicidal depression… Sounds like something else doesn't it? My psychiatrist told me "you will always have to be on it". I had gone through a pain management course and started to have nerve-blocks; Aropax blocks the effects of codeine, which I needed to take for the pain for a few days after nerve block pain until the nerves settled down. I still suffered serious migraines and bouts of black depression. I also had terrible, dark, stressful nightmares.

I felt the roller coaster of Aropax daily. But when I tried to come down or off it, that's when the true insanity started. I tried cutting down minimally: 1/8-1/4 every second day… No matter how minimally though, I experienced the following symptoms: loss of balance, dizziness, electric shocks through my body, difficulty talking, insomnia, even fits of rage (my poor children). I tried so many times and had given up hope… said my final prayer: "God if there is any way… please help me"

A bit later I met Liz (NET practitioner and RN nurse) and got talking and the REST IS HISTORY!! Went to her farm few months later (when I was able to organise childcare). I put on the NET box, felt exhausted, drained, out of sorts until about day 5 when I started to feel better. I had to come home then, but was able to take it with me.

I definitely needed the box on for 13 days balancing the frequencies I needed for this particular prescription drug. I stopped having the horrendous migraines, mood swings, nightmares and the teeth grinding. I continued on with my 12 step program: meetings, counselling, and spiritual practice which I had established during my early years of sobriety. That was my frontline defence I kept in place before AND after, and still am. Doing studies now, eating normally; my metabolism is fine.

Satu